Everyone has fears. There are some fears that most people have in common. Fear of not being enough, fear of loss, fear of being ourselves, etc. The list goes on. Well, today my goal is to help you face some of these fears. If we look closely at our fears we will see how irrational most of them are, but so many people are afraid to even glance at their fears. “They are too painful”, they say. Well, there’s no time like the present! Let’s look at some of the fears regarding loss.
Fear of losing a loved one. Most likely you will experience this in your lifetime. Everyone will die. We may have a loved one pass away or we may experience the loss of a close relationship by one partner moving on. We view this latter experience as betrayal, whether we are the one being betrayed or the one betraying the other. However, when one person needs and wants to walk away from a relationship we should allow this process to happen without resistance. It is only our fear that is labeling the person and the situation. If we truly loved ourselves and the other than we would really want what is best for each and not what is just convenient. If someone does not want to be a part of our lives or needs to step away, they have the right and responsibility to do that. We should love ourselves enough to know when it is time to step away from a relationship that is no longer healthy and mutually fulfilling. Instead of viewing it as something you have lost view it as something you have gained. You had many learning experiences in this relationship and now you have opportunities to grow with someone else or grow more on your own. Well, what if someone dies? If someone in your life passes away, then the best things you can do is remember them in joy and love. No one that has passed would want us to completely destroy our lives because they are no longer here. Love yourself and that person enough to be able to celebrate their life, not perpetually morn it.
Fear of losing your job. You will not be at your job forever. So many people have job security issues. If you go into a job with the mentality that you will do your best and learn as much as you can while you are there, then you can’t help but to enjoy the experience. The problem is when our fears kick in. What if I get fired? What if we have a layoff? Get your savings in order and enjoy the time you have with this company. Because, guess what? You will not be there forever. Be prepared to move on should your company downsize. Preparedness and realism are the keys here. You may get fired or you may get laid off. This just means you are on to your next opportunity. Maybe with a better company. Maybe with other learning experiences you need. It all happens for you, not to you.
Fear of losing your ego. Everyone has this fear and most people don’t even realize it. Let me tell you, losing your ego is a good thing. Most of us feel like our ego protects us and makes us strong. Wrong! Our ego isolates us and keeps us from trying new things or entering new experiences. Our ego is that voice that keeps us in fear. When we can silence that voice we can gain back control of our lives. There are always opportunities to silence that voice. The more you take advantage of them, the more control your ego loses over you. Should I do something nice for my spouse? Ego: No, what do they ever do for you? DO IT. Should I try out for the volleyball team? Ego: No, everyone else is so much better than you. DO IT. Should I accept that my child wants to be a musician? Ego: No, they will become losers on the street corner; they need to be a doctor so everyone can see what a great parent you are. ACCEPT IT. My friend hasn’t called me in a long time, should I call her? Ego: No, she obviously thinks she is too good for you. CALL HER. Every time we go against that voice of fear we are freeing ourselves from all of the grips of fear on our lives. The ego will not go down without a fight, so be prepared for battle!
I have just touched an a few of our fears. There could be novels written on this, but hopefully this starts to help you to move in the direction of control and acceptance in your life rather than reaction and fearfulness. So, what could you try today that will propel your life in a new direction?