I have realized that sometimes right before I go through a major growth period I can get very depressed. Some call this ‘The Dark Night of the Soul’. I believe that this is my ego fighting the growth that is supposed to be taking place. It doesn’t want to let go of old thoughts or feelings and will fight to keep the old habits in place. This can be a scary time. When we are in this feeling of depression, our minds are telling us all kinds of false things like ‘this will never end’, ‘you are a bad person for feeling this’ or ‘you have no worth’. If we sit and dwell and attach to these thoughts we can go to a very dark place. It is during these times that I have learned to remind myself this is just temporary, it feels real and it feels never ending, but it is only temporary. I have also learned that affirmations don’t seem to help me during these times either. I can tell myself I am loved and I am blessed, but I can’t feel it and it seems to make it worse. However, if I just listen to the thoughts, like I was listening to a friend telling me their problems, then I can get through it easier. That way I don’t attach myself to all of the noise going on in my head. I am just there listening to someone rant and rave and I am just observing. Eventually your mind gets tired and runs out of things to say. This may take hours or an entire day, but if you are just observing it it will eventually stop. You are not giving it life, you are just letting your mind release it.
There are other things you can do to get through these times as well. Sometimes if this isn’t working, I also find it helpful to pray a prayer of release to God. In this, all you are doing is praying to God to help you release all of these thoughts and feelings because you are done with them. Just pray for Him to help let your body release it. Again, this will not probably happen immediately, so it is just being OK knowing He is taking control and these thoughts are trying to leave. They are like an unwelcome house guest who is taking their time to leave your house, but that is OK because you will not be inviting them back. Your body is telling you these thoughts have overstayed their welcome and it is time for them to go.
I find it also helps to listen to what your mind is saying during these times. If your mind is telling you that you are not worthy, that is your spirit trying to release that false belief. Deep down that is something you were struggling with that maybe you weren’t even aware of. It is now time to let it go, but your ego won’t do that quietly. Thus the internal struggle. If you can just listen and observe what is being said until it is finally released, it will go away. This is hard and takes practice, but it is worth it. Just listen like a good friend would. You may feel sad and you may feel angry, but ultimately you are just listening to it being released. If you do not judge it or try to stop it, it will eventually just go because it doesn’t have anything to feed it anymore. These can be our biggest times of growth. No one ever said growth was easy. When you ask for guidance and enlightenment, you may go down some scary paths to get there. But you are not alone, others have gone down these paths and it is good to be prepared for the challenges that may lie ahead. You can do this. If you help these thoughts go and release them, you will grow and they will disappear. But if you fight them and hold on to them, they will keep coming back until you eventually face them.